Every once in a while, I’ll have some thing that I’m doing where I can’t figure it out, but then it becomes A THING that I am convinced I can make work on my own. I call these situations “personal challenge” because I WILL CONQUER THE SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE. This happens from anything to riding a shuttle train at the airport that rocks all over the place, where I refuse to hold on to the railing and instead stand in the middle of the car and “surf” the motion without falling (so far with great success), to having something wrong with technology that I am determined to figure out without one of those “Genius Bar” people helping me. This was the case yesterday when I turned on my iPad for the first time in about 3 years.

After letting the thing charge for an hour because BOY, was that battery dead, I was able to turn on the power. I’ve never used this thing for much (as you can tell by the fact that it just sat for 3 years) but we’re going on a trip tomorrow and I wanted to rent some movies to put on it and have games to play. I noticed some old pictures in the photo section that I wanted to be sure to save (pictures of our pups and a bunch from when Wil and I went to Australia 3 years ago) so first, I connected it to my desktop to move the photos there in case something went horribly wrong and I accidentally deleted them. (Did I mention I’m not very good at the technologies? Because deleting something important is somehow one of my Super Powers.)

The first thing that popped up on the iPad after transferring the photos was to log in to iCloud. On my phone, desktop, and laptop, I had long ago changed the email associated with my iCloud account and updated the password. The email that kept popping up for iCloud on my iPad was an old Yahoo! account that I got rid of close to three years ago. This is where the problems started. I couldn’t remember the password so I couldn’t get into it to change the email or even sign out of iCloud. I couldn’t use the “I forgot my password” link because the options were to send it to the email it was associated with (according to my iPad, the old Yahoo! address) and when I tried to recover the password by answering the security questions which started with my birthdate, it kept telling me that wasn’t my birthday and it didn’t match their records, so no bueno. Not those exact words, but close. After multiple attempts to figure this out, I asked people on Twitter if they knew how to fix this. I had tons of suggestions but nothing was working. I even had someone who used to work at the Genius Bar at Apple try to walk me through accessing this without success. She sent me a link to steps you can take via changing the email address on FaceTime and the messages part which should then update it in iCloud. It allowed me to do this for the other two but wouldn’t do that for iCloud. ARGH!! I tried stupid things like turning it off and then back on again, and even blowing in the connector like an Atari cartridge to make it work. NOTHING. Wil tried to help me fix it and when that didn’t work, he Googled ways to do this, all still without success. And that’s when this became PERSONAL CHALLENGE.

I logged on to the iCloud website to manage my account. There, it showed that my home computers, my cell phone, and my iPad were all connected to my iCloud account. It also showed my correct email address and password. I tried changing my password in the hopes that it would update on all of the devices which worked for the others BUT NOT ON MY IPAD. On the site, it gives the option to remove a device, so I clicked on the iPad icon and it should have removed it from iCloud. According to the account on their site it was removed, but according to the iPad, it was still connected to it by my DAMN YAHOO! ACCOUNT. I even did the “restore/recovery” thing which basically is like a force quit when your device is being funky. I did that THREE times while it was connected to my desktop, as I was instructed to do. NOTHING. It was restored (as in reset) but it still had the same old Yahoo! account attached to it. After three hours of dealing with this thing without success (and nearly wanting to drop kick it into a fire pit) I walked away from it, accepting defeat on my personal challenge, with the plan to take it to the goddamn “Genius Bar” at Apple so they could do one tiny thing and proclaim “Fixed!” while I stand there and scowl at my iPad, which is surely laughing at my failure.

With all the suggestions being sent to me, somehow at least one of them had to work. I had tried them all individually without success. I was taking a shower when I thought “maybe a combination of all of these suggestions being done at the same time is the solution.” I jumped out of the shower, raced into my office, turned off the power on my iPad (which I had already done multiple times) and connected the iPad to my desktop again while holding down the “home” button on the iPad (which, like I said, had been working like a force quit restore option the last 3 times I did this.) While still holding that button down, I logged onto the iCloud site on my desktop. There, for whatever reason, it again showed my iPad attached to my account so I deleted it yet another time but this time, it allowed me to go through steps to wipe out the entire iPad and start new. YAAASSSSS. I don’t know why it wasn’t allowing me to do that before and just kept treating it like it was restoring everything while keeping all of my info and apps, but this time it worked!

I get that these things are in place for security reasons and that one of the ways to maintain the security is that connecting the iPad to my computer told it that it was my device. The only thing I could think was maybe because it sat for so long, it was just a little slow to catch up to what I was trying to do with it. Whatever the reason, I got it to do what I wanted it to do, and that felt pretty damn good.

PERSONAL CHALLENGE: COMPLETE.

Over the past several weeks, I have felt like there are tons of people online that are showing up just to say something shitty to a person they don’t even know. I see it happening to friends, and it’s been happening to me and to Wil a lot. Around this time last year, Wil observed that it may have to do with the fact that school is out, so there are a bunch of bored, unsupervised kids trolling the internet who don’t make the connection that there’s a real person on the other side of the shitty comments they’re spewing at all of us. It’s probably the case again now, but it still has been bumming me out and as a result, I haven’t been inspired to write anything new here for a month, and I’ve had large chunks of time where I don’t even look at Twitter. In fact, over this last week I had been considering just removing myself permanently from all social media just so I didn’t have to see this stuff. It isn’t as bad as it was back in April when I was attacked relentlessly after Calgary Expo,** but that experience soured me on humanity so much that even the smallest shitty comment was making me feel like I just wanted to get the hell outta dodge.

When I looked at Twitter yesterday morning, my timeline was filled with friends who were attending E3, a gaming expo that will be going on this entire week. I loved how excited they were to see the things they love (and again bothered by seeing shitty comments that were being sent to them when they posted things they were happy about) but the reality is I don’t play any of these video games so I have no idea what they are talking about. I decided it would be fun to create my own “online conference” in the form of adorable pictures of pets who would be attending and called it EEEEE3, because every time I see a ridiculously cute animal, my voice goes up 5 octaves and I squeal “EEEEEE!!!” I posted pictures of my own animals attending my made-up conference and tagged it with #EEEEE3 so if other people posted pictures, they could all be seen under the one hashtag. My timeline went from video game tech posts to HUNDREDS of the cutest pet pictures I have ever seen in one afternoon. This made me so happy, and was a great reminder of why I do anything online to begin with; to meet people who have similar interests as me, and to have a place to share silly stories, talk about something I love, and even talk about things that have been a struggle in my life.

After an afternoon of having my faith in humanity restored, I was thinking back on the last three years of being on social media and having a blog, and why I would miss it if I bailed on the whole thing. This last week, it was a great way to let people know about our friend, Stepto, who became gravely ill and was (and still is) in the hospital (doing much better everyday, thank gods) and that his family needed help in being able to be with him during this horrific ordeal. It has also been the place where I once wrote about living with someone with depression and still get emails and meet people who tell me how much that post helped them and/or someone they love who hadn’t yet gotten treatment for themselves. It’s been the place where I’ve been an ambassador for Women’s Health Week and have had a couple of women tell me that because of my post encouraging them to get annual screenings, they found breast cancer and are getting the treatment they otherwise wouldn’t have known they needed. I hear from single parents who’ve read about my own struggles as one, couples who invite us to their wedding because they feel a connection to us and the relationship Wil and I have worked so hard to build and maintain for nearly 20 years, and on top of all that, it’s the countless stories from other rescue pet owners who share my passion for helping animals in need that fills my heart beyond words.

In any situation in life, your experience is what you make of it. We can’t always steer clear of the bad that comes our way, but we can definitely navigate toward the things that we love and the things that matter to us. I like that I found that path again. Thanks for being the unsuspecting guide.

**Since Calgary Expo, I changed the ability for just anyone to post comments on my blog because I knew it would be another platform for people to show up and be horrible. You can still comment, you just have to register to do it so it verifies who you are to avoid throw-away accounts from asshats. Thank you for understanding.

Last year, I wrote a post about learning at a very young age how important it was to take care of my health, and that by the time I was in my 30s and busier than ever raising kids and working full time, I started making May “me month” so I would remember to schedule annual exams. I have always reminded my friends to make their health a priority and when I got on Twitter nearly four years ago, I started reminding women there to take care of themselves. Because of these reminders (as well as other stories I have written on my blog pertaining to my own health and Wil’s health) I have been asked again to be an Ambassador for National Women’s Health Week and of course, I said yes!

One of the things I love that they’re doing this year is talking about health at every age. Being in my 40s, I have noticed a lot of changes in my body that are new to me. Annual blood tests, gynecological exams, and mammograms have been my peace of mind in knowing these changes are normal. And if I have something suspicious, such as the nodules on my thyroid, I get ultrasounds and biopsies to monitor it for any possible changes.

Our bodies are complicated but getting annual screenings is the greatest thing you can do for yourself to live a long and healthy life. As your Ambassador, I’m here to remind you to take a few moments this week to schedule those annual exams! And if there are new changes you’ve noticed in your health, including your mental health, please take the time to schedule an appointment to talk to your doctor, or to find a low or no-cost clinic near you to get the treatment you need. You, and the people who love you, will be so happy you did.

This is a repost from last year.

Every year as Mother’s Day approaches, I can’t help but feel like it’s a silly “holiday” created by Hallmark to sell cards. But every year on the actual day, my mind fills with memories of all the handmade cards and gifts my kids gave me when they were little and it makes me so happy.

Today, I found an old photo of me, Ryan and Nolan, taken in front of the little duplex I was renting back in 1995. They are 5 and 3 in the photo, and I was 25. I was really struggling to support us back then, but I did everything I could to find fun things to do, and tried to take as many pictures as possible of us with my old 35 mm camera that my parents gave me for my 18th birthday.

We don’t live too far from that duplex, so I thought it would be fun to go back and re-create that photo of us today. It’s been 19 years since that was taken, and I love that the building still looks the same. The 3 of us have all gotten older, the kids are obviously bigger, but standing on that lawn together felt like walking into a time capsule. We lived through some pretty tough times there, but we wouldn’t have the life we have now if we hadn’t lived that life then. I would do it all again in a heartbeat knowing the men those boys have become. Best Mother’sDay, ever.

Last weekend while I was at Calgary Expo, I put a picture on Twitter of a poster inside the convention hall that said “Cosplay does not equal consent” and added that I loved that these signs were everywhere, and also that one unfortunate booth was removed. Because of both of these things, the convention attendees felt safe and had a really enjoyable time. The overwhelming response was that people agreed with me, but I started receiving tweets from people who don’t even follow me that just showed up to attack me, so I muted a bunch of them and reported some to Twitter. As the days went on during the convention, and after I returned home and wrote a blog post about my awesome experience there, the angry and abusive tweets kept coming my way. I know it’s usually best to just ignore people that do this but it was escalating, and sitting back in silence felt like I was just ‘taking it.” In real life and online, I stand my ground to protect myself and anyone around me who is treated badly, so I acknowledged these actions by taking a public stand for myself and for so many women who get bullied online by complete strangers.

I have always been very open and honest about who I am. If you don’t follow me on Twitter or read my blog, then of course you wouldn’t know a single thing about me, which is the case for all of the people who came out of the woodwork to attack me. So they don’t know that I’m not a gamer, or that I’ve only been on Twitter for 3 years, or that when the internet became a “thing” in the 90s, I was raising two children so I was never on it. My Twitter bio says “Accepting that I’m more of a nerd than I thought, one piece of technology at a time” because enjoying things that one would consider a “nerd” would enjoy, whether it’s actual technology or board games, tv shows, movies, whatever, is something I’ve been slowly branching out into after years of working my ass off just to help provide a home and a life with my family. Being a nerd for something is about loving what you love, no matter what it is. We don’t all love the same things, participate in the same things, or even know all of the things other people like. The internet has definitely made it easier to be able to find others with similar interests, but there’s also a ton of stuff out there that people don’t even know exists, because it just isn’t their thing, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is treating anyone badly because you’ve decided they aren’t allowed to enjoy the same things as you, or because you expect them to know everything about what goes on within your community of interests and they don’t. That is just ridiculous.

For whatever reason, the harassment women receive online when they do share a common interest, such as gaming or comics, is out of control. Some women don’t acknowledge the harassment, some just remove themselves from that community to avoid the harassment, and some take a stand, only to have the harassment increase exponentially. I took a stand against being harassed for myself and for other women online and BOY, did they come out in droves to contribute to the very problem I was pointing out. I knew I could do this because this kind of behavior doesn’t hurt me or get to me, which I know isn’t always the case for others who get bullied online.

My first tweet acknowledging the negative comments I had been receiving from people whose Twitter profiles each said they were in GamerGate (I checked each one and continue to do so before muting them when I get their abusive tweets) was to say for every angry/abusive tweet I get from one of these GamerGate people, I would be donating money to a non-profit feminist charity called Feminist Frequency. I was attacked so quickly and so ferociously  after saying that, so I then said I was going to cap my donation at $1,000. After 2 hours of nonstop abusive tweets, I made the donation to Feminist Frequency, and because of the content of so many of these tweets, I added donating $1,000 each to RAINN, an organization that helps rape and abuse victims, as well as to ACLU. I chose to do this to have something positive come out of a horribly negative thing that so many people do: bully and abuse women online.

I was called a bitch, a cunt, a whore, an autistic, retarded, a fucking idiot, a faggot, a middle-aged mom, (that one was hilarious because it’s true but I guess was an attempt at an insult) a fake geek girl, and stupid too many times to count. I was told repeatedly to kill myself, drop dead, jump off a cliff, and deserved to be killed “700 ways” as well as numerous threats of rape and other forms of violent harm. I was told over and over that no one cares about me, or what I was saying, or what I did with donating my money, yet hundreds and hundreds of people were seeking me out to bully me, threaten me, and even photoshop a fake tweet meant to look like I wrote it that said “I really want all these trolls to die. In fact I’m going to kill them all myself.” This is a hell of a lot of effort going into not caring what I have to say. And in the middle of all of these abusive tweets was a series of 4 tweets from one person claiming to be a sniper who planned to “wipe [me] the fuck out with precision.” I reported many of these people to Twitter, who were super helpful and suspended accounts (the first suspension being of this so-called “sniper” dude) and was told to contact our local police to file a harassment report, which I did.

What was crazy to me in all of this were the people coming after me to say that they “didn’t see a single threat” in my Twitter mentions and that I was lying. I guess when one lives online among a community of people who treat each other like this on a a daily basis, they think that kind of talk is perfectly fine. Like I said earlier, I haven’t been on Twitter or the internet very long, but the people who follow me and who I follow in my online community don’t treat each other this way. To justify this behavior as “it’s just a troll, get over it” or “you’re such a fucking idiot, that’s a meme from 10 years ago” and treat all of it like it isn’t a threat? Unreal. But I guess if your plan is to just blindly attack a stranger for the thrill of dog-piling on, that’s the least of your problems.

I know in every large group there’s going to be ones that make them look bad among the people who just like being part of a group. Through Twitter and through emails, I actually heard from several GamerGate people who wanted to reach out to apologize for the atrocious behavior of these other people in the GamerGate community that make the rest of them look bad, which I really appreciated. I have no qualms about anyone choosing to be part of any group, club, organization, whatever. The only issue I have, and the reason this all came up in the first place, is when people that are part of any large group, in this case it was pretty much all from GamerGate, make abusive comments and threats. It’s a huge problem that has been addressed many times. Sadly, without much change to the problem itself. I’m glad I said something about it and would gladly do it again.

You get one life. Try to use it to be kind, to be honest, and to be honorable. And if you don’t know how to do that, seek some therapy for your anger issues and leave the rest of us out of it. No one deserves to endure the shit storm of abuse you fling their way.

No one.

This past weekend, I attended Calgary Expo. I was asked to participate by Espionage Cosmetics because Bonnie Burton and I designed some nail wraps with them, and by the convention organizers to moderate the SHARKNADO panel since I love the hell out of SHARKNADO. Sadly, the panel was canceled because Tara Reid canceled attending the convention, but I still spent some time in the Espionage Cosmetics booth with Bonnie on Saturday, and then by myself on Sunday, to meet convention attendees who enjoyed our nail wraps and all the other cool stuff Espionage Cosmetics makes.

I have never attended this convention before,  but Wil has and loved it so he encouraged me to go, knowing I would have a great time. He was so right. The staff and volunteers were some of the kindest, sweetest people I’ve ever met, and so were the convention guests who came by the booth to introduce themselves to me.

I have gone to conventions with Wil in the past when he is a guest of the convention. A couple of times I’ve even sat with him at his table where people have the opportunity to talk to him or get an autograph or just to shake his hand. Before actually sitting with him to see this experience firsthand, Wil would tell me stories of people he’d met who said he’d helped them because of writing about being a step-parent, or writing about seeking help for depression because he has been very vocal about his own experience with it.  Some just want to express their love of his story writing, his acting work, or his board gaming shows. He is always so grateful and so humbled by hearing how much he has positively affected the lives of strangers. It’s a conversation one doesn’t often get an opportunity to hear, but conventions have made it a way for people to share these things, which is really cool.

Bonnie and I had been scheduled to be in the Espionage booth twice on Saturday, both for a two hour time period, and then I was by myself for two hours on Sunday (it was scheduled that way on Sunday because it was supposed to precede the SHARKNADO panel.)There was a steady flow of convention attendees who came by to meet us during our time there, but the topics of conversation surprised me. The surprise was in a good way, but it wasn’t what I expected.

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably read my blog before so you know I’ve written about our dog, Riley, who passed away two weeks ago. I’ve also written a lot about rescue animals and what I do with the Pasadena Humane Society. I’ve written ridiculously embarrassing stories of things that happen to me, weird changes in my health that have come with aging, living with someone with depression, finding happiness by doing what I love, being married, and being a parent. Basically, I just write about what I feel, what I know, and what occasionally amuses me. What I never considered was how many people actually read what I write, and how much it has positively affected those readers in one way or another.

I won’t go into the details of personal conversations I had, but I will tell you that I laughed, I cried, and I hugged more people I’d never known before this weekend, and I loved every minute of it. It makes me so happy to know that something I’ve done helps someone I’ve never met before, and I love that we got this opportunity to talk to each other in person. I know there are so many wonderful people in the world who make an effort to be kind, and to be good to others, and who try to make a positive difference in the world. Whether it’s acknowledged on a large or small scale, or sometimes not at all, I love knowing that people are inherently good, and so many of us try to do good with our time in this world.

As much as I enjoyed meeting and seeing all of these wonderful people, I also know there can be people out there who look for opportunities to try to be hurtful and harmful to people who just want to enjoy a convention experience.  I know this happened at Calgary Expo this weekend, and the staff and local authorities handled the situation immediately. It’s an unfortunate world we live in where angry and unhappy people try to find ways to take the joy out of life for someone else, but it was obvious by the thousands of people at this convention that it wasn’t going to affect their enjoyment of the weekend.

Thank you, long time internet buddies, and new buddies that came to Calgary Expo and shared some of your time with me. I hope you had a great weekend. I know I sure did.

As you may know, I do a lot of work with the Pasadena Humane Society. All year long, they do little events within local communities with everything from adoption to education about animals to various types of fundraising. PHS services nine local cities and helps with rescuing stray animals off the streets to bring to the shelter for care and get adopted, as well as rescuing wildlife from local neighborhoods and releasing them back into their natural habitat. All of the care of these animals is costly, but PHS has found lots of cool ways to help support their organization. Their biggest springtime event is an annual golf tournament and silent auction, which brings in all kinds of awesome auction items. This year in particular has brought in some really incredible and unique items, so they decided to make the auction public!

There’s a lot of really great items in the auction, but I particularly love the ones we contributed to it, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to love them as well. The first one is the script from the most recent episode of “The Big Bang Theory” that Wil did that just aired last week. The script has the notes he wrote in it during rehearsals, and the cover is signed by every cast member, as well as the guests on that episode. Yes, even Kevin Smith signed it. I KNOW!! So, that’ super cool in itself, but included with the script is a cast photo signed by each cast member of the show. I don’t know how often things like this surface for the public to access, but if you would like to bid on it (U.S.residents only. The cost of shipping any of these items internationally would be too costly) your funds will be a 100% tax deduction because it all goes to PHS. Here’s the link to the script and photo auction.

These next items are so cute I can’t even stand it. Nathan Sawaya is an artist who creates the coolest sculptures out of LEGO and has shows in galleries and museums globally. You may have seen his work recently if you watched the Academy Awards this year, when Oprah and a handful of award-winning actors got a yellow LEGO Oscar statue. If you’re a collector of amazing and unusual art, you will love what he generously donated to the PHS auction. He created statues of a black dog and a grey cat. EEEEEEE!!! ( I love them and had a really hard time just delivering it to the shelter and not keeping it for myself.) Nathan has his signature printed on one of the bricks, which you will see on the side of the tail on the dog and on the leg of the cat. Again, these items are up for bid only for U.S. residents, as the cost of shipping will be insane if they’re shipped internationally. And just like the script and photo, the funds for these items are 100% tax deductible for you. Everyone wins!

The online auction is only happening for one day so get in on it quick! And thank you for supporting a wonderful organization!

Twelve years ago, we adopted a nine month old dog to be a companion for our other rescue dog, Ferris. We named this sweet, little white dog, Riley. She had been found locked in a closet at an abandoned hotel that was about to be torn down, so she was anxious as hell about everything but boy, did she love people. She and Ferris got along great, until they didn’t. At least once a year out of nowhere, Riley would start a fight with Ferris. Ferris was not aggressive by any means but as the pack leader, she didn’t back down to this and Riley always ended up with a couple of stitches.

When Ferris died unexpectedly from cancer 6 years ago, we were introduced to a seven month old puppy when we did the Wiggle Waggle Walk for the Pasadena Humane Society in Ferris’s honor, six weeks after her death. We hadn’t planned to get a new dog yet, but Seamus was so mellow and so good with all of the dogs and kids at the walk, that we decided he would be a good companion for Riley, who was very mopey since Ferris had died. They got along great, until Riley decided they didn’t, and would try to start a fight with Seamus. Seamus being so young and looked to Riley as a pack leader, would immediately roll on his back and the scuffle would be over.

A couple of years after getting Seamus, Riley’s physical health really declined. She had horrible osteoarthritis in her knees and it eventually moved to her elbows. She fell a lot as a result, which appeared to make her anxiety worse. She had developed a growth in her abdomen and one near her heart, and was not interested in playing with Seamus at all. The vet was unsure how long she would live, so we did our best to make her happy and comfortable. We also decided that a “transition” companion dog for Seamus would be good so he would still have someone to play with, and the loss of Riley wouldn’t be as devastating to him as losing Ferris was to Riley. This is how Marlowe came to live with us two and a half years ago.

Even being an energetic four month old puppy, Marlowe sensed Riley’s limitations and looked to Seamus to play and snuggle with. Riley joined on her terms, but didn’t stick around long. Marlowe had figured out that Riley just liked to stand on the lawn and butts-up bark at Marlowe because she liked to watch Marlowe run laps around the lawn. Marlowe happily obliged and ran those laps with a huge grin on her face. But occasionally, out of nowhere, Riley would snap at Marlowe in an attempt to start a fight over nothing. Marlowe would roll on her back and we would get Riley away, but I was really worried about her behavior with now two strong dogs in the house.

We hired a private dog trainer to come see the dynamic of our dogs in our home as well as their behavior when we took them out for walks. The first thing she asked us was who we thought was the pack leader of the three. We both said Riley because she’s the oldest, plus she has always asserted herself as the leader. We were wrong. It was Seamus. She said the pack leader never has to assert themselves as such, and Riley, who has always fought for that, was doing that because of her anxiety and because she knows she is weak. We learned ways to help Riley manage her anxiety, whether it was giving her her own chew toy in another room when Seamus and Marlowe were playing, or wearing a Thundershirt, which is like a compression garment intended to be calming and soothing. Nothing worked.

A couple of months after adopting Marlowe, all three dogs had run out into the back yard one evening because they heard a noise. Marlowe, being the energetic puppy, tried to bolt past everyone and bumped Riley, which hurt Riley’s arthritic knee. Riley redirected her anxiety from the situation onto Seamus by attacking him. I ran outside to see little Marlowe tumbling under Riley’s legs as Riley was trying to bite Seamus. Because I was home alone, I had no choice but to slide Marlowe out from under all of this and leave Riley and Seamus in this fight so I could get Marlowe inside to safety. It was the first time I understood the pack leader status as I watched Seamus just try bearing his teeth to get Riley to stop, who wouldn’t obey him. She just kept lunging at him, so Seamus did what pack leaders do to protect the rest of their pack by gently holding her on the ground by the neck. Riley was so neurotic that as soon as he let her go, she would lunge at him again. At one point,  I made the stupid move of trying to step in the middle of them to block Seamus from Riley, and in the process, Riley bit my thigh. My scream made her let go and Seamus knew he had to protect himself and me, so he held her down by the neck until my neighbor jumped my fence and came over to help me separate them. I wrote about this (with horrible photos, you’ve been warned) on Google+ afterward.

I knew Riley wasn’t being aggressive toward me and for two weeks after the incident, she followed me around, sniffing at my thigh with her head down and licking Seamus on the face as often as she could. Both submissive acts of behavior, so I hoped this would be the end of it. Unfortunately, a couple of months later, she again tried to start a fight with Marlowe out of nowhere and Seamus stepped in to protect Marlowe. Wil jumped in to break them up and in the process, Riley bit his wrist. Again, unintentional, but something needed to be done.

I took Riley to the vet the next day. I was in tears as I explained Riley’s behavior, which seemed to be getting worse with age. At 11 years old, I knew the behavior wasn’t a thing that could be trained out of her. I didn’t want to find another home for her; she’d been in our home her whole life. I could see that she was like an angry, dementia woman who acted out over nothing. She still had health and life in her, so we didn’t want to give up on her. Our vet suggested Prozac, which can work wonders on dogs with anxiety. We tried it, and immediately saw an improvement in Riley. The dose was good for about a year, but it had to be increased about 8 months ago, when her mental state seemed to be worsening. It helped so much, but the reality is she was getting really frail, which still made her anxious, and on top of it all, she had become pretty deaf.

We did what we could to make Riley happy and ease her pain and her anxiety. While Seamus and Marlowe played outside, Riley would get toys she could tear the fluff out of, which she loved. Wil and I would take her for walks alone, so she could smell all the smells, and go at her own pace with special time just the three of us. She loved to get loved on by our friends who would come over, always bringing her happy face and all of the fur she could shed on everyone’s clothes. Nobody cared that they were covered in her fur, everyone just loved how happy and affectionate she was. She was still anxious and more frail than ever, so I would step in and have her go lay down somewhere if I saw in her eyes that she was stressed.

On Easter Sunday, Wil and I went to Santa Barbara for a couple of days of relaxation following a very intense week of filming that Wil had just done. Our son, Nolan, was housesitting for us, which he’d done dozens of times, so I knew the animals were in good hands. While we were at dinner, Nolan called me with some awful news. He had fed the dogs and Marlowe came over to sniff Riley’s dish. Riley snapped at Marlowe, so Seamus jumped in to protect Marlowe. Marlowe got out of the way and as Riley was going after Seamus, she hurt her leg and couldn’t get up. Nolan knows she has bad osteoarthritis so he assumed her leg was broken, and had rushed her to an emergency vet. The vet called me a short time later to tell me Riley had dislocated her hip, which is very painful. They would have to put her under to push it back into place but because her osteoarthritis was so bad in her knees, they would have to tape her back legs together for six weeks to stabilize her hip. This would result in horrible pain and discomfort and make her anxiety even worse. And because of her age, the hip would most likely continue to dislocate, negatively affecting the quality of her life, and continue to cause horrible pain.

By this time, our other son, Ryan, was at the vet with Nolan, waiting to hear about Riley. The vet had given her pain meds, but Ryan said even with those, she looked so unhappy and still in so much pain. At nearly 13 years old (her birthday was yesterday) we didn’t want the end of her life to be about so much pain and misery. We decided the humane thing to do was to have her put to sleep so she wasn’t in pain anymore. We couldn’t stand the thought of keeping her doped up for two hours just so we could be drive back to say goodbye, so the kids were with her until the end.

I have been a sobbing mess since this happened. We came home early from Santa Barbara to be with our kids and our other animals. There is an emptiness in our house without Riley here. She was a tough dog to deal with all these years, but I know we did everything we could to give her a good life. I hate that it ended the way it did, but in a way, I always knew she would somehow go as a result of starting a fight.

Riley became known as the “I’M A DOG!” face with all the pictures we put of her on the internet over the years. The outpouring of love and support from real friends and internet friends has been so overwhelmingly kind. From planting flowers in her honor, to making donations to local shelters in her memory, to even registering a star in her name just so I can look up and think of her every night, is so unexpectedly wonderful. I love that this sweet, oddball of a dog has so many people who cared about her and will miss her goofy face as much as we do.

Goodbye, little girl. We love you.

I have always had a passion for rescuing animals, whether it’s taking in a homeless cat wandering a neighborhood or adopting a dog from a shelter. I adopted my first rescue (a cat) when I was 5, so that’s just what I’ve always been in support of. Oddly enough, my parents had dogs from breeders the entire time I lived at home with them, so this passion was completely my own. When we were living in Oregon when I was little, my parents bought a Golden Retriever; a great dog named Sampson. He had a wonderful temperament and loved people. The other Golden Retriever they had, who my parents named Dickens, was…how do I put it…a bit off. Sweet, but kind of a dumdum.

My parents had built a huge dog run in our backyard for the dogs to stay in while they were at work and we were at school. Sampson was really smart and had figured out how to open the latch, so we had to put a lock on it while we were away. As soon as we came home, we would undo the lock and start running across the yard, because Sam would open the latch and run out to race laps around us. Dickens wasn’t smart enough to figure that out, much less retain how to do any tricks we taught him. He was a sweet dog, but like I said, not the brightest.

As Dickens got older, he would start fights with Sam, so my parents built a divider fence in the dog run to keep them separated while we were away from home. That helped, but there will still times when we would have them out in the yard with us and Dickens would start a fight again. The fights always scared me because of the noise, but rarely were there actual injuries from it. But one time, Dickens went nuts, jumping at Sam’s face, and in his defense, Sam got him pretty good in the forehead.

Dickens spent a couple of days at the vet because as it turned out, Sampson had chomped down on his head in such a way that got Dickens in the jaw and fluid was building up in it. The only way to keep that fluid out of there was by implanting two pieces of surgical tubing on either side of his head to drain out. Dickens came home just as cheerful and clueless as he had always been, but he looked pretty scary to me. That’s when I got an idea.

Eight year old me decided something good was going to come out of this situation, so I came up with a plan to charge the neighborhood kids to “COME SEE THE DOG WITH HORNS” and make enough money to get a Slurpee for myself, and a special dog treat for Dickens. I charged everyone 50 cents and had a line at our front yard gate  to walk each person individually to the backyard dog run to see “THE DOG WITH HORNS.” It was a smashing success, and Dickens loved having all of the visitors. The kids were too afraid to get close to see that it was only surgical tubing, so no one questioned if they were actual horns. I earned $5.50 and was already making plans for which Slurpee flavors I would be mixing together later that day when my brother saw what I was doing, told my mom, and my mom made me give the money back. Darn.

We moved to California from Oregon when I was in 8th grade. The dogs, now much older, had stopped with the fighting. Dickens had started having seizures occasionally when I was in high school (we found out he had epilepsy) and was constantly getting out of the backyard during the night (no dog run at this new house). He always got picked up by animal control, and we would go get him. It started to feel like we were bailing a rebellious teenager out of jail. We would go to the dog run he was kept in to identify Dickens, who stood there, looking so proud of himself for the adventures he had just been on. The rebellion of Dickens hit an all-time high after I had moved out of my parents house. Dickens was escaping the yard every night because he had befriended a pack of coyotes. Yes. Coyotes. The coyotes would run through our neighborhood and stop by to pick up Dickens, who had been seen by our neighbors on multiple occasions, running down the streets with these coyotes. Dickens would show up at my parents front door the next morning, exhausted, but looking like he had the time of his life. He eventually stopped coming home because I’m pretty sure he found his outlaw gang family lifestyle more appealing.

Looking back on this, it makes me sad that my parents didn’t do more to protect their dog. Maybe that’s why I’m such a huge advocate for rescuing animals that need homes instead of buying from breeders. But the idea of this oddball dog living out his days with his new found rebel friends, telling them stories of the time he once had horns, as the coyotes gasp in admiration and lean in to hear more, still makes me laugh and at least provides some comfort to me.

In November of last year, I wrote a blog post about doing eBay auctions for our charity foundation of signed games that have been played on this season of TableTop. We were able to do a few of them, but we missed a couple in February because we were traveling. But now we’re home so we can start them back up again!

The one bummer is that somehow in our supply of signed games for the entire season, our copy of “Sheriff of Nottingham” which aired a couple of weeks ago, did not get signed. OH NO! I am hoping at some point in the future to get the players to sign if for us so we can still auction it off but for now, we will just have to move on to the next one. The game that we’re auctioning today is “Dead of Winter” signed by Dodger Leigh, Grant Imahara, and Ashley Johnson. We will continue to do these auctions every other week throughout the season, so if you aren’t able to bid on this game, there will be more on the way.

Good luck and as always, PLAY MORE GAMES!