Monthly Archives: June 2016

In The Pursuit Of Happiness

In May, I took myself on a little “me retreat” where I ended up taking a painting workshop. I thought it was going to be an instructional class and I was pretty excited about that because I’d always wanted to learn how to paint, but it ended up not being that at all. If you haven’t read any of what I wrote about it (it’s a three-part series) you can just scroll down and see them. They’re my most recent posts.

One thing the instructor told us during that weeklong experience, was not to comment on anyone else’s paintings. This workshop wasn’t about what was being painted or how well, it was about having a way to express yourself, and any input from others could and would affect how you do the whole process. While I was there, I think I did about eight paintings, one of which I shared in my final blog post about the experience. I’ve been excited to continue this journey in finding a thing that I enjoy and to have a creative way to express myself. In that process over the last couple of weeks, I decided to share a couple of photos of those paintings here and on social media. After my three blog posts about finding this creative thing that made me happy, I’ve heard from a bunch of people who were inspired to find their own creative thing and how happy it has made them, so sharing my continuing journey felt like a good idea.

I’ve been on vacation all this week in Hawaii, where my California time zone brain hasn’t adjusted to Hawaii time zone, and so I’ve been wide awake at 5:30am every day. (Yes, that also means I’m dead asleep before 9pm. Life of the party, right here.) But the unexpected bonus of that is having lots of time in the early morning hours to paint something, which I knew would happen so I brought my supplies. Hooray for planning ahead! I’ve taken lots of scenery and greenery photos to reference once I get home, but I decided to paint a hibiscus flower I saw on the property where we’re staying because it’s right here. Painting has never been a thing I’ve felt needs to be perfect, and what I discovered after doing that workshop is I don’t want anyone to give me tips, advice, or instruction on how I should do this, or what I should paint next. This is 100% just for me so how I do it doesn’t matter at all. I’m not doing it to become a professional, and I don’t want to sell anything I’ve made. It’s all just for fun!

I think I worked on that hibiscus flower and its leaves for a total of 5 hours over two mornings and I loved how relaxing it felt to make it. When I finished my flower painting, I posted a picture of it on social media and I immediately regretted doing so. As soon as I posted it, there were comments praising how it looked, suggestions on who I should talk to for painting tips, links to instructional videos I should watch, and a few comments from people just trying to be funny and saying it looked like a monkey or an elephant or whatever. I know all of the comments came from a place of kindness, of support, and just saying something light-hearted to be silly, and nothing more (which is rare because the internet can sometimes bring out some pretty terrible people). But in all that, I was reminded why my workshop instructor said not to comment on anyone’s paintings while we were there all week. Comments, whether it be praise, constructive criticism, or even asking what a thing is in the painting, affects how we will express ourselves. Praise either makes us feel uncomfortable, or proud, or even instill a desire to perfect it so others will like it. Criticism, constructive or even in a joking matter, can make a person feel sad, ashamed, or embarrassed. Suggestions on what someone should do can imply what they are currently doing isn’t good enough, and that can be a real bummer. I received emails from people thanking me for inspiring them to do something creative but also for telling me how brave I was for posting my progress. So many people are afraid to share for the fear of criticism or rejection, which I completely understand. I didn’t even think that any comments would be made when I posted my paintings, which is so dumb on my part, because I did feel very uncomfortable with everything that was said. I didn’t post it for a reaction and it was foolish of me to not consider that when I posted it.

I love that I’m taking this journey for myself and I love that it has inspired others to find their own creative journey in whatever it is that makes them happy. I am even more inspired to continue this and branch out into other creative things because of everyone I’ve heard from and I love that too. But for me, I feel the best way to enjoy this journey is to just keep what I have created to myself. That way I can experience it the way I want without input from anyone. It’s human nature to want to encourage someone, whether we know them personally or not. That can be a wonderful thing, but in some cases, it isn’t necessary in pursuing something that makes us happy.

I am really looking forward to starting my next painting (flowers, sunsets, clouds, who knows!) but more importantly, I am more excited than ever at pursuing a thing that has brought me so much unexpected joy. And for those who shared with me their projects and their plans to pursue an old hobby or start a new one, thank you. You have inspired me so much and I am really grateful for that.

Try, Try, Try Again

In my last post, I wrote about going to Big Sur and how excited I was to participate in a painting workshop because I’d always wanted to learn how to paint. It turned out not to be a workshop that taught the skill of painting, but it did teach me a valuable lesson in finding a way to express myself in a creative way, which was cool. It was also a very meditative experience, which I hadn’t expected.

When I came home from that weeklong retreat, I was excited to continue painting. I still don’t have any technical skill under my belt but that’s okay. I’m just doing this for me and I’m enjoying the excitement of figuring it out as I go. That may come to shoot me in the foot at some point in the future, but we’ll see. When I was 7, I started teaching myself how to play songs on the piano just by hearing them either on the radio or when my mom would play them on the piano herself. Of course, when I started to get better at it my mom wanted me to take lessons so I would learn the proper way to play. I was 11 when I started those lessons and boy, was it tough. I’d been placing my fingers incorrectly on the keys for years and had gotten so used to it that learning the right way to play felt completely wrong. Frustrated, I only took those lessons for a year and just went back to teaching myself songs I’d hear on the radio before eventually just giving up on it altogether.

I do think there’s something to learning a skill in a way that suits the person learning it though. I don’t plan to make a career of painting, I just want to do it for fun so why not just get some supplies and get started?! I love landscapes and that’s what has fueled this desire to learn to paint in the first place. I see something so pretty that a photo just isn’t enough to capture it but painting it makes me feel like, I don’t know, like I’m taking it in even more I suppose. I took some photos when I was in Big Sur and then two weeks later, I was in Sedona with my son where I took tons of incredible desert landscape pictures. I’ve looked at sunsets, flowers, trees, water, and mountains as a thing I’ve wanted to learn how to paint for a long time now, so I’m excited to get going on it. I know it isn’t going to be easy, but one thing I do know is patience and the experience of creating something is what I’ve been looking forward to the most.

Last week, Wil and I went to a screening of a show in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. I’d never been there before and thought it was really weird to screen something in a cemetery, but once we were there I understood why they did that (kind of creepy surroundings, and a wall to project onto with a large lawn to sit on in front of it for viewing). This cemetery is known for famous Old Hollywood celebrities being buried there, and the grave markers are unique and ornate, to say the least. As we walked out at the end of the night, I looked up and the sky was filled with a marine layer that glowed from the city lights, making it look like a sepia tone photograph. It backlit the aging, gnarled trees around the property, transforming them as if they were characters in a novel. There were palm trees taller than any I’ve ever seen lining the driveway that would lead us out to our parked car. I stopped and looked at the trees and thought “I really want to use watercolor and do a painting of these” so I took some pictures of them as reference for when I had the time to try it.

Yesterday, I went to the art supply store and got myself paints, paper, brushes, and a little desktop easel so I could begin my new painting adventure. I set everything up in Wil’s office where there’s great lighting, but is also a quiet place where Marlowe, our dog who is recovering from knee surgery, can rest uninterrupted. I printed out the first tree photo I had taken so I could look at it as much as I needed to while I did a freehand pencil drawing of it. I worked on that for about an hour and then got out the paints. Excitement took over any kind of fear messing it up and honestly,  if I did mess it up, it wouldn’t matter. I’m just doing this for me so however it turns out, it’s just a learning experience for the next one, so that’s okay.

All in all I think this took me close to four hours, which seems crazy to me because A) four hours is a long time and B) it was so relaxing to do this that it didn’t feel like four hours at all. The end result turned out pretty well but more than anything, I’m just proud of myself for following through on seeing a thing and wanting to paint it and then actually doing it. This has already inspired other things in me that I’ve wanted to create that I used to think were either not a good idea or not worth the effort. Now I know the satisfaction of taking something that’s in my head and making it come to life, however it turns out and however long it takes, is completely worth it.

 

Reference photo
Reference photo
Pencil drawing
Pencil drawing
Completed painting!
Completed painting!
Photo of the palm trees that will become another painting soon!
Photo of the palm trees that will become another painting soon!