Monthly Archives: October 2018

Empathy Matters

On Tuesday, October 23rd, I will be giving a short speech to a room full of adults who are all gathered to raise funds for the Children’s Orthopedic Foundation. The fundraising organization chooses books written by a couple of different authors to be sold at the event, and the authors come to give a speech about why they wrote the book and their inspiration behind it all. My book is the only children’s book being featured at the event and to be completely honest, I have never gotten up in front of a room full of people to give a speech like, EVER, so I’m a bit nervous. In junior high and high school, if we had to get up in front of the class for a speech or an oral report, I would just take an F because I was too afraid to get up there, but I’m finally okay with doing this now.

Over the years, my fear of speaking in front of others has slowly diminished, a huge part of that due to me reading my book in front of people in schools, or bookstores, or at conventions. But this speech is just me, not reading from my book. Just me and my thoughts. There won’t be any kids there but I have always felt the message of my book needed to be heard by adults as well, so I’m speaking from the heart (but also from notecards because I wrote it down in case I panic and my brain goes blank).

This morning on Twitter, I asked if I was the only one who has been feeling frustrated, disappointed, and just…sad..seeing our government intentionally cause harm to our people. The majority of comments were from people who’ve felt the same way I do, but a couple of them were from people who say the very things that make me so disappointed in some of humanity. Because of that, I thought I would take this opportunity to just share my speech here today because I believe it’s something people need to hear. I do talk a bit about my book, Piggy and Pug, seeing as that’s the reason I’ll be at this event, but the overall message goes beyond that.

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“As a child, I learned a lot about empathy by watching a show called Mister Rogers. Mister Rogers spoke often about celebrating the uniqueness of every individual. He also spoke about how, in times of trouble, we need to look for the helpers. So often, those troubles are caused by a lack of empathy, by those who choose to harm others for the very uniqueness that Mister Rogers taught us to celebrate. Empathy, to me, seemed to be the key to compassion, to kindness, and to being someone who helps during the scary times.

My first vivid memory of having empathy for someone happened at five years old, when an orange tabby cat followed me home from a friend’s house. He was very talkative and affectionate and when we got to my house, I asked my mom if I could keep him. She could tell he belonged to someone else so she said no, but she let me give him a bowl of food and water out on our porch anyway. In the evening, he was still on our porch so I made a little bed for him and by morning when he showed no signs of leaving, my mom asked our neighbors who he belonged to. She found out the people up the street from us had moved away and left him behind, so she said we could keep him.

As a five year old, I couldn’t understand why someone would move away and leave behind this sweet cat who was obviously part of their family, but I didn’t focus on that. What I did focus on is how the cat knew they were gone for good, so he took it upon himself to go out in search of a new family. I thought about all the adventures he must have had before choosing us, and how I wished there was a story book I could read about something like this happening. That experience opened my eyes to the world of animals in need and as a result, I became the person in my family who constantly helped animals. Even now, my friends refer to me as a Disney princess because helpless animals somehow always seem to find me.

Nine years ago, I started doing fundraisers for the Pasadena Humane Society & SPCA in memory of my dog who passed away suddenly from cancer, and four years later I accepted their invitation to join the Board of Directors. I had spend a lot of time walking around that shelter visiting with the animals and when the housing market crashed, I noticed the shelter was mostly filled with animals that were owner turn-in. At first I was really upset by that, but then I quickly realized it was actually incredibly responsible of the owners to do this. Instead of leaving them to wander the streets and fend for themselves, they gave the pets the opportunity to receive care and be adopted into a new home. This experience at the shelter sparked my childhood memory of the orange tabby cat, so the combination of the two became my inspiration for writing Piggy and Pug. This delightful, heartwarming (and beautifully illustrated) story is about the journey that brings together Pug, who’s searching for a new family, and Piggy, who’s searching for a new friend.

But Piggy and Pug is so much more than just their journey. It’s teaching young readers about empathy, compassion, and the bonds of family and friends. It’s about understanding that some people make decisions that have quite an impact on those around them and when someone needs help as a result of those decisions, empathy and compassion is what drives the helpers to step up and do something. Without empathy, I wouldn’t be able to put myself in the position of the families or their pets, to truly see how the situation impacts them. Children will be faced with a variety of situations in their lives which can impact themselves and others around them. Standing up to bullies, lending a hand when a person needs it, or helping a stray animal, all stem from empathy. It is essential that we teach empathy young so our children grow up knowing how to be the helpers Mister Rogers described.

Writing a book that teaches children not only about empathy and compassion, but about kindness, responsibility, family, and friendship, opened my eyes even more to what kids are being exposed to these days. There is so much divisiveness, anger, and violence spreading like wildfire in our country with what we see on television, hear on the radio, and witness in our daily interactions in-person, on social media, and even in online video games kids play. Children desperately need to be taught empathy, compassion, and kindness now more than ever. When members of their family, their neighbors, and their nation’s leaders are intentionally causing harm, we need to counteract that by talking with our children about compassion, reading stories about empathy, doing acts of kindness, teaching how we take responsibility for our actions, and showing them that when they see scary things happening, to look for the helpers. We may not be able to stop those who hurt others but when we have empathy, we can see beyond the pain that drives them to hurt in the first place, and do our best to react in a more positive way instead of out of anger.

Whether it’s human or animal interaction, we are in this life together. Kindness matters, helping matters, empathy matters, and when we teach our children that whether it’s an in-person or online connection, our words and our actions matter. I’d like to end this with a reminder I think we could all use now and again, from a speech Mister Rogers gave back in 2002. He said, “Our world hangs like a magnificent jewel in the vastness of space. Every one of us is a part of that jewel, a facet of that jewel, and in the perspective of infinity, our differences are infinitesimal. We are intimately related. May we never pretend that we are not.”

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If you would like an autographed copy of Piggy and Pug, scroll to the bottom of this post and place your order. All proceeds from sales on October 22nd and 23rd will be donated to the Children’s Orthopedic Foundation.

Thank you.

Act Two

Last night, Wil and I went to the hockey game (WOW, did the Kings play like crap) and at one point in between game play, the “Kiss Cam” was capturing people smooching and putting it up on the JumboTron for all to see. At every game for as long as we’ve been season ticket holders, the camera is put on this one old couple where, each time, the man smiles and looks surprised, and his wife grabs him by the face and plants a big ‘ol kiss on his lips. The crowd goes wild, they laugh, and the hockey game continues. It’s an adorable tradition to see on the screen, and something they obviously love to do. Over the years, we’ve seen them heading out of the stadium together, always smiling and talking to people who recognized them on the JumboTron. They used to walk out holding hands, but in the last couple of years, it has transitioned to him sitting in a wheelchair while she pushes him with her own frail grip on the handles of that chair, as they head out into the cool night air with the thousands of other game attendees.

I’ve often wondered if that old couple started getting season tickets for the same reason Wil and I did. First, because hockey is super fun to watch in-person (even when your home team is uh…not so good) but also because it’s like having a planned date night. Years ago when our kids were in elementary and junior high school, Wil and I had gotten ourselves annual passes to Disneyland so we could drop the kids off at school and then sneak off to the Happiest Place On Earth, go on a few rides, have lunch, and then get back in time to pick the kids up from school (we told them YEARS later we had been doing this but they didn’t know at the time). We always knew the kids wouldn’t be living with us forever, so it was important to us to make time for each other in the chaos that is being a parent. When we struggled financially and couldn’t afford  Disneyland passes, much less going out to dinner, we would go on a long walk in our neighborhood, or play a board game in front of the fireplace. I wondered if this old couple at the hockey game did something similar when they were younger because here they are, doing what Wil and I are doing, holding hands and sneaking in the occasional smooch (minus the camera on us) at a hockey game.

After the camera moved away from that couple kissing, Wil said “Aww…they’re totally us in 30 years!”

And then my head began silently swirling.

“Oh my god, in 30 years we are going to be old. Like, practically 80 years old. And then there’s what, maybe 15 years left after that? If we’re lucky? Jesus, I just graduated from high school 30 years ago and that doesn’t feel like very long ago. Oh, wait. I actually graduated 31 years ago. But my oldest child is 29, which means in 30 years, he’s going to be 59 when I’m 79 and OH MY GOD THEN IT’S ALMOST OVER FOR ALL OF US HOLY CRAP WIL AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 23 YEARS WHICH IS WEIRD SEEING AS HOW I’M ONLY 49 BUT JESUS MY MOM DIED WHEN SHE WAS 47 DID SHE THINK SHE WAS HALFWAY THERE BUT THEN IT TURNS OUT IT WASN’T HALFWAY IT WAS ACTUALLY THE END AND OH MY GOD WHAT IF I DON’T MAKE IT TO THE END AND THEN MY FAMILY WOULD HAVE TO LIVE THE REST OF THEIR LIVES WITHOUT ME GOD I JUST REMEMBERED I GOT THAT NOTIFICATION ON MY PHONE ON SATURDAY THAT I SPENT SIX HOURS ONLINE THAT WEEK WHY AM I WASTING SIX FREAKING HOURS OF MY LIFE ONLINE WHEN I’M QUITE POSSIBLY MORE THAN HALFWAY THROUGH MY LIFE HAVE I DONE ENOUGH HAVE I NOT DONE ENOUGH JESUS IS THIS WHAT A MIDLIFE CRISIS IS?”

And before I knew it, the game was over. I stared at the ice, missing most of the last period experience, not fully present at our pre-planned date night, all because that old couple kissed on camera which sent my middle-aged brain into a tailspin.

As we got up from our seats to leave, I thought of life as a play in three acts. Act One was a childhood full of struggles with the occasional triumphs, as I did my best to figure out how to be an adult. Act Three would be our senior years, probably spent being that old couple on the Kiss Cam, or taking long walks along the beach in Maui, and still having the kids over for barbecued turkey burgers and potato salad.

But Act Two is happening right now.

Wil and I always talk about how in the whole world, with so many people to choose from, how much we love that we chose each other and that we get to spend our lives together. But as we shuffled our way through the crowd, I felt grateful on a whole new level. We get one life, and we don’t know how long that life is going to be, so it’s important to be present, to spend time with the people in our lives that we love, and to use that time to do things that make us happy, while also doing what we can to help others enjoy their lives. When Act One was happening, I never thought Act Two would have me writing a children’s book, or learning how to paint, or figuring out where I can go to do archery because I did that so much as a kid and I loved it so why not do it again, but here I am. And I’m doing it all with a husband who loves me, with two kids who grew up to be amazing adults with lives of their own, and a house full of adorable rescue pets. Life may be unpredictable, but I’m not going to stress about the what-ifs of the future again because I’ll miss what’s playing out right now.

As we headed out of the stadium and into the cool night air, I slid my hand into Wil’s and told him I loved him. We walked down the sidewalk and out to the car, making our way back to our home, and our life, that we’ve built, together.

 

Autographed Piggy and Pug Now Available!

In Spring of this year, I set out to promote my first children’s book, Piggy and Pug. My plan was to do some convention appearances for the first few months, take a month off, and then focus on setting up bookstore and library appearances. And then my kitchen surprised us with a leak under the sink, which led to a nightmare black mold situation that put our lives on hold while we had it fixed. The repairs began mid-June, two days after I returned from Denver Comicon, and lasted for eight weeks. EIGHT. WEEKS. I put all plans to do book appearances on hold and instead focused on getting our house fixed. The timing of it also allowed for me to be here to help someone close to me deal with some pretty intense stuff of their own, which ultimately affected my personal physical and mental health a bit, but everything is much better now.

We were able to move everything back into the kitchen about a month ago, but the emotional toll on all the other personal stuff dragged on much longer than I expected. I gave myself permission to just take care of me for a while, knowing my book didn’t have an expiration date and when I was ready, I could get back to promoting it. I know I’m feeling better because I woke up this morning excited to get my book back out there again!

All summer, I had people asking me if they could buy an autographed copy of my book from me online. If you order from piggyandpug.com, those copies are sent out from a distribution center in Nevada, so those ARE NOT SIGNED by me. But I do have a supply at home so I can offer autographed copies now! I thought it would be nice to do this for the month of October to allow plenty of time for it to arrive if you’re getting it as a gift for someone for the holidays in December.

I love that technology allows me to do something like this. And yes, I will ship anywhere in the world. All you need to do is click the “BUY NOW” button below and place your order!