The Chosen One

I have always heard of people receiving these emails but they seemed too outrageous to be real. Lo and behold, I finally got one of my very own.

I am The Chosen One.

And so I choose to share it with you. Punctuation, spelling, and grammar included so please read as written for maximum awesomeness.

“Dear beloved, I am Malaysia. I have just arrived here to claims funds/gold/assets in deposit here at HSBC bank left behind by my late father chief .jonathan…johnson    from morocco Upon arrival I have been informed that the funds in the vaults or storage units has accrued storage fees over time which must be cleared before release. Then ones released I intend to open non resident account with the bank. Please kindly partner me and be my investment and funds manager as I have no idea on investments. We will open the accounts in your name and have the bank send you all accounts details for access to the funds. Then we can proceed to investing as you wish.. 20% of the assets will be yours. We shall share all profits made on investment equally also.

Please kindly revert with your full details and then we can take it from there.

Yours sincerely.


I would like to respond.

Dear Mumford,

I have a few questions before we proceed.

First, you mention “funds/gold/assets” but I am unclear as to what these assets are. Is it the deed to a home? Ownership of a herd of goats? Jewelry from dead bodies? You need to clarify this before we can proceed. I like to feel good about my investments, so we need everything out in the open from the get go. Also, what exactly was your late father chief of? Fire? Police? The lead dancer in the Village People? I need answers.

You have some conflicting descriptions of where said funds/gold/assets are being held. Now, is it a storage unit or is it an actual vault? I would feel more comfortable if my future investing opportunity were kept in a vault as this is clearly of incredible value, and since we will be splitting the profits from it after I invest, I need to know it has been kept in an extremely safe location. A storage unit just won’t do.

Other than that, everything else seems very clear and I am looking forward to working together. I know a guy who goes by  Sergeant who will be helping us close this deal so please give him all of your info as well. I expect this deal to be at least 15-20 years minimum.




9 thoughts on “The Chosen One

  1. The Nigerian scam is as old as the Internet. You are lucky if this is your first one. I usually get 2 or 3 a week and have for the past 10 years.

  2. Congratulations. I’ve gotten a few of these over the years but never one that addressed me as “beloved.” You are truly blessed. 😉

  3. Ha, this is funny, today, just 10 minutes ago, I recieved my first “chosen one” email too, and I was very excited because I felt left out until now! I *finally*joined the chosen one party,too, yaaay! I might print it and frame it or something…
    (okay, to be honest, I deleted it as soon as I read it, but hey, I read a spam mail, and that counts for something, amirite?)

  4. the nigerian scam is actually OLDER than the internet. i work as a customs broker and back in the dark ages (circa 1986) we used to get these letters, actual airmail enveloped letters (!!!) with the same spiel. so fun, so weird. the stamps were always interesting!

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